seems ok on the outside but i'm not ok inside
its been like 24hr+ since she told me those lines. saw/read her blog for a few time...knowin she cried,my heart seems so weird...like xin tong. dun know y also.i know i had fell deep and will b even deeper if she didnt tell me. actually thinking back today when i was out jus nw, i realise tt all the pass few days b4 yesterday she was like telling me something but seems like nothing to me about the lines she told me..i didnt realise then?? or i was thinking too much... reading her blog i also went into the tears again. nw i can feel my eyes are hot and tears are coming out again. when will i stop crying???
i asked my friend about my eyes is it red but it was nt...but...its swollen slightly le.i really cant control myself nw..
everynw and den ppl ask me wat happen i dun know wat to tell them. i didnt wan them to know. they showed their concern but i guess they knw something. i cried while chatting with them. today i dun know how many time i cried liao..dun even say tt..yesterday nite when all are slping my tears continue to flow. but i didnt soak my pillow yet. haiz...my hearts are in a mess nw.
when i was out i keep looking at my hp wishing she will sms me asking me how i was..but i can jus only dream of tt. going out was supposed to be a happy one.but i didnt enjoy it. all the while i was outside i was still thinking wat happen. did tell my friend breifly wat was going on in my head but i jus cant say the details out. i am i afraid to face the fact nw it was over.
crying seems like nothing to me nw le. i nw considering monday should i go sch anot... till nw no one knows wat is exactly going on except for me and her i think. all think it was jus normal family matters. but it arent.
while i was walking home jus nw from station. i was wishing tt this was jus a big joke tt was played on me and i can continue like normal the day after. but i jus cant take it. its like a feel thousand sword and arrows piercing thru my heart. i am trying to console myself as no one can actually console me rite nw. no one.. i am all alone nw.crying non stop and its so painful physically and mentally.
read her tag..i didnt know wat to write also. should i thx her for helping me early or should i jus take it as rubbish she is telling me. i jus feel like crying nw again. think i am very unstable for the next few days liao. or even weeks. i think i will be avoiding alot ppl liao. sad.
this whole situation reminds me of my sec sch time... the 2nd relationship i had. it took me quite sometime to accept the fact.
tears again
can all this be jus a big joke......(dun think so it will be a joke)
:'(
Saturday, May 27, 2006
9:49 PM
Its Another Day in Life