bored
nw in class doing nothing cos finished work le... 12+ finish le leh and i am rotting!!!! also hor wan to find one harddrive to get the new FM2007!!! but no hard drive....and she had gone down to eat... no one to disturb:( haha
rotting!!!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
1:15 PM
Its Another Day in Life
no sch
jus woke up but still feeling slpy cos kena woke up by 2 phone calls...and nw i am doing nothing..jus surfing the net readin news.. wondering nw how is she le. still sick ma? today no sch and i think i am going to rot home le.. hmmm maybe lata go cut hair?? maybe nia...
Monday, October 30, 2006
10:41 AM
Its Another Day in Life
surviving another fall??
yesterday nite didnt really have a goodnite cos something which i didnt really wan to happen happened.... having hopes and coping with all the failed hopes really took my nite away. but nw i am still like normal,ithink. i tried not to think too much but bo bian i still will de. need time to heal again and get back to normal ba...
guess i jus misses all the chances ba...
Saturday, October 28, 2006
11:48 AM
Its Another Day in Life
back to normal??
Friday, October 27, 2006
11:14 PM
Its Another Day in Life
called
hmmm jus put down the phone... chatted with her for a while. i so long nv on phone liao then today....1st time calling her at nite. dun know y i called but i jus wanted to hear her voice jus nw. missing her i think. haha jus hope she dun sneeze too much cos i thinking of her. hees then we chatted till she like from the active mode change to the slping mode. lol or is it i too boring?? dun know. lol mus ask her. haha
den jus nw when chatting with her hor aunt say tt the xiang outside burning for ah ma had curled again. =D ah ma is happy!!! hehe i also alittle happy lor cos she is happy!! but my eyes are dry nw. but i am trying nt to cry out...=)
more to blog tml?? dun know mus c how....
12:05 AM
Its Another Day in Life
memories
today is ah ma's body being cremeted. we walked her out and during the walking i was crying liao... feeling damn sad cos tt road was the road tt she walked with me to sch when i was in pri sch. thinkin back tears flow down. then at the end of the road, we gt up the bus and i was sitting alone and tears flowing down for like 10 mins.... her body was cremeted at mandai. when her coffin was going into the door we were all crying till so bad and mother was like.... haiz
then came back we were eating and clearing the void deck... haiz came back ard 4and slp till near 8...
haiz not in the mood to blog much. i think tml i nt going to sch....maybe if can then ask her out ba...
Thursday, October 26, 2006
9:57 PM
Its Another Day in Life
personal...family
hmmm jus a day b4 ah ma body is being cremeted.. had a tiring day.... cos theres alot of procedure to do for this last day/nite. everything started ard 4.45pm.... my leg was aching cos standing too much liao. then theres also slight conflict, which made me feel so... dun know wat to say. haiz... nw i am feeling alittle sad but bo bian tts life and i gt to face it. then yesterday nite i was down at the void deck the whole nite till this mornign 6am then came back to slp till 1pm. haha managed not to slp for tt whole nite thou wanted to la. hehe
hmmm gt alot of feelings in me dun know how to blog. haha gt family de also gt personnal de. personnal de is ez la...so anyhow blogged.....
personal de.....
ok read her blog jus nw. was alittle jealous cos of something but cant blame cos i this whole week totally no chance. i keep wanting to know how she is feeling but she dun wan tell me. haha so i jus wait lor. i tired to make chances but the chances i made nv became true. cos she also dropping hints and i also dropping hints i think.. lol so we didnt catch each other hints? maybe ar. lol then jus nw wanted to give her surprise de but she slp le so haha she missed it lor. but nw i am missing her liao. omg... jus pray she dun sneeze while slping. haha
then family....
hmmm yesterday gugu(s) came to ask me ah ma die liao who looking after me... they say mother going back to bishan le then who will look after me if i dun go back. then i reply me myself lor.. i so big le leh i wan to stay here at clementi. i already made up my mind le so nothing much can change me. then mother and 4th aunt quarrel yesterday...seems bad but today ok le la... maybe she too stress up abt ah ma is dead. i also dun know y my family is like... haiz...then hor i think today i am going to stay at void deck for awhile till dun know wat time liao cos cousins they all playing mahjong. lol they going to teach me. haha but i nt tt interested. lol played the "big brother" game b4 coming up. had quite alot of laughing jus nw.. haha long time nv had such a gathering le. nv expected we will gather up in this kind of situation. haiz dun know happy or sad. then my 5th aunt is giving alot problem to the big family. she is like showing no respect to ah ma sia. nv join in the procedure cos she said she is from XXX religion so dun wan to join in. but ah ma is her mother and only 1 mother sia. haiz.... she would rather follow her religion and forsake her mother funeral. even my friends came and join me for a few hours for the passed few days. they even offer the "xiang" to ah ma. but tt 5th aunt didnt!!! some more she dun even wan her children to do those things also(like burning the kim zua and ....). tt timothy also the same. keep drinking and giving problem.. keep changing into new shirt haiz... dun know wats up in their mind.. dun know is it tio brain wash or wat sia... haiz
tml pon sch and fri maybe pon sch also. haiz..... this whole week i am really pon-ing sch!!! lol
i dun wanna miss another chance.. i wan to make those chances into reality.
oh ya did i mention tt pei fen is going to glue to me?? omg some one get anti super glue for me?? pls!!!!! hahaha if gt anti super super glue the best. hees
1:47 AM
Its Another Day in Life
untitled
hmm 2nd entry for today. early morning ah ma jus passed away and i was crying when her body arrived at the void deck. tears managed to flow down alittle but i tried to keep them. aunts and mother was crying badly till 4th aunt gt swollen eyes. haiz.. after a while when things settles then gt 2 gamblers wan to come to ah ma de funeral to set up gambling den!!! omg those ass holes!!! if they really set up or cause trouble they will sure get it de. but heng till nw nothing happen. ard 4 + i came back home online chatted with eeling for awhile then i slp le. till near 7 woke up and find food. lol home nothing much to eat cos i hiam the food not my taste=P so wen centre to eat lor some more alone. had a quick dinner then came back. sat at the void deck for a while burning the kim zua then wen back home to watch soccer=x lol bo bian soccer addict here. haha but watched one losing game again for liverpool... while watching was chatting with eeling again. after tt near 10 wen down again to sit and then jus gt back home... nw blogging and feeling sad but i gt to face the fact.
jus nw at the void deck they where discussing should i go back home anot.. as in bishan... but i dun wan to go back. dun know who say i mus but i dun care. no one really can understand me for the reason y i dun wan to go back. anyone tt ask me go back normally i will jus give them face and dun reply them unless they really hit my limit and i till say them back. my uncle also nv say anything much yet... then i also gt another choice... going to australia to study and live there?? maybe huh... for me to go back will only happen if my mother they all move hse. to a bigger hse.
also hor today i asked some of the Q tt i wan ask eeling de.... gt some things to clear but nt all r cleared. cos i totally gt no confident to ask anything anymore... dun ask me y...maybe someday i will ask de but nt today.... those things really in me for some days le.
jus a sentence.....
treasure tt someone nw and dun regret when they are gone...
i still prefer U... and U know who u rrite here waiting 4 U
Sunday, October 22, 2006
11:41 PM
Its Another Day in Life
she's gone
early morning 9+ i was waken up by aunt... she said ah ma passed away in hospital:( really sad. some more after tt when mother they all back from hospital saying tt ah ma de room de others patient saw ah ma struggling b4 she died...haiz where the hack are all the nurse when patients needed them??? then ah ma was only discovered dead when the nurse looked for her to change her diaper. i dun know angry, sad or wat sia...haiz.
wanting to cry but i didnt. tears jus didnt flow out for nw. maybe......
nw tt she is gone i jus wish tt she is passing away peacefully...
sadness without tears for nw:(
11:38 AM
Its Another Day in Life
vivo yesterday boring today
yesterday...
ok yesterday woke up ard 12 then changed le wen to hospital... not jus c my ah ma but also for me to c doc! haha c doc for my knee lor. haiz then the doc say hor my ACL teared sia!! omg ligament tear...some more the most important ligament... omg omg. then after c-ing him i wen for x-ray... then something funny happen. haha cos i nv wear short pants need to wear tt long robe. haha then hor after everything(xray) i changing in a small room the radiologist jus open tt small room de door. nt tt i dun wan to lock but the room no lock!!! lol but heng la cos i haven take out the robe still gt cover!! hahaha but was so paiseh XD haha overall waiting time for me to c doc and xray was damn long!!! i think i from 2+ c till ard 4.30 sia.
after tt met eeling at outram mrt lor. haha tot she will come to hospital to pei me c doc but she nv. hmmm after hospital wen vivo... er was damn big sia vivo haha but alot shop still haven open. lol but overall is nice. haha walk ard then had carls jr cos we cant decide wat food to eat. then hor the berger was damn big!!! haha also hor... i was looking ard looking at gals=x hahaha with eeling infront of me. hmmm nt tt i was to c gal la. tempting to look ard. hahaha but theres time i prefer looking at eeling. hehe
after food wen for the nite view at the top of vivo. hmmm nt a bad view from the top of vivo... was walking ard,taking pics then sat at a stage like thing de place... hmmm tt period of time...i sometime wish it will last...i also dun know y at tt moment i really feel like making her mine but.... haha dun wan to say more =P after tt sent her home lor. while walking i tried to hold her hand but...dun know y...then sent her home...took one crowded train. lol then hor reach her station le saw her gan di. lol they chatted and left me alone behind on the way back to her hse:(
somethings i nv say here cos those things are feelings tt words cant discribe....then today...
today was so boring cos at home slacking!!! no sch today then wanted to go sch pei her for her fyp de but haiz she gt ppl pei le so dun need me lor. so i jus rot home lor
Friday, October 20, 2006
3:07 PM
Its Another Day in Life
inner me
i dun know y i have this feeling for these 2 days...have the urge to ask/say... but always cant open my mouth to speak out. i think is lacking of confident or wat... especially since den....i am jus afraid/fear...
wanted to say afew thing here but its alittle obvious so i jus keep it in me 1st ba=)
Thursday, October 19, 2006
1:19 AM
Its Another Day in Life
sentence
hmmm jus wanna say this sentence....
"floated pass without leaving a mark behind...."
some will understand this some will nt.. haha so slowly guess ba
too numb to feel anything
too tired to think
jus cant be bothered soon....
full of words in me but cant say out...
Monday, October 16, 2006
11:48 PM
Its Another Day in Life
today
hmmm jus wanna blog abt my feelings today... dun know y i seem to have a lot of xin shi nw but i jus dun know hw to put into words/sentence..
but 1st let me say abt today...
jus came back from hospital... saw a pastor walking toward the wards b4 i left... haiz people come ppl go...sad for those ppl... then ah ma seems better and i also can relax alittle?? i guess.
afternoon wen to IMM with aunt and cousin..help her to choose her mp3 lor. gt a sony de. latest de leh i also wan buy de. but useless leh cos i gt one liao. haha..then ate jap ramen with them after tt. gt home ard 5.
morning didnt do anything much. cos woke up ard 12 =x and played 1 match of dota. losing game.
ok this post was edited.. gt a few things i think i dun wan to blog out ba... wanna know then ask me ba...
Ben condition:
injured legs
sad...
confused feelings
tired
Sunday, October 15, 2006
9:43 PM
Its Another Day in Life
tired
had a tiring day today...
wen doc chai collect my appointment letter for my medical thingy...nt the ns one la. hahaha then came home rest like 1/2 hr..then....
had soccer from ard 2pm till 5pm.didnt really had a fun soccer day but still can la. dun wan hiam..better than nv play but hor.... gt one guy i really didnt like sia. so i played roughed with him thou he is jus a small kid. lol..... also hor i gt injured again. damn... dun know y i so ez injured de-_-"
then hor i also say hi to aileen again. hahaha=) she was like blur blur when i ask her she aileen rite?? hahah she dun recognise me ba. lol but she said she will try liao=D
so after soccer...rush to outram to makan with mother and father lor. but they 4got bro and me eating with them so they ate b4 we met lor. but in the end they also ate alittle with us la. hahaha.... after tt wen to c ah ma in SGH then ard 9 bro and me siam liao... came back clementi de coffee shop sat down and watch soccer. haha nt alot ppl today think cos the haze thingy.watched one losing game at 1st till they drew....liverpool dun know wat they are doing these season....
sms-ed with eeling and found out she kind of sad cos broke up... dun know y like this sia. haiz... eeling u mus b happy leh... sad sad nt good de...hmmm wat else ar?? oh ya.. mus thing properly wor...
overall i am damn tired...
injured...
alittle sad but i wanna b happy...
12:26 AM
Its Another Day in Life
mixed feelings
haiz...dun know i should be happy??sad??angry??or pissed...+fan... haiz
yesterday had both happy and angry day. cos in sch was happy cos had fun playing game. then also happy to c ah ma feeling nt bad. then angry cos tt small cousin was so naughty she bu ting hua de. wan jiu shi wan. then yesterday hor at hospital she wen to c the nurse drew blood from the patient!!! when then curtain up she open up and wen in there to c sia. she is so.....
then today was in sch doing fyp. managed to do alittle thing. but hor after getting back to lab from lunch. bro msn me saying ah ma was like in a bad condition. i was scared. my hand was shivering when i was packing my things. i wanted to cry out but nv. i rush down to hospital and all was there liao. aunt say dun all go in cos scared ah ma might suspect something. haiz... all the medical equipment was removed from her when she was in tt bad condition but ard 2 hr after i reach..... the hospital stuff say back to normal liao-_-" we were all so shock when they say maybe cant make it liao my ah ma... then was alittle relived lor after hearing tt she is back to normal alittle. haiz... then my tt small cousin is there again disturbing ppl again. so angry with her! den i jus gt home.... but was like pissed.
cos....
over at hospital they were discussing if something really happen where will i b living. mother sugested going back to bishan to live. but i WILL NOT. i dun really like tt place. tt place to me is like a jail nothing but jail. my uncle and aunts very good say they gt no comment. and welcome me to stay. they will nt "close" the "door" 4 me... then gt home b4 i was going to bathe... mother suddenly cried and asked me go back home.... she say everyone in the family dun like my father cos he jus cant make it.. dun wanna go work de. i also dun really like father's attitude. he always lazy to work and give stupid excuse. then anything also depends on mother. haiz really dun know how....
I DUN WANNA GO BACK TO TT BISHAN TO STAY.... REALLY IN A BAD BAD MOOD NW...
THEY JUS DIDNT CANT ABT HW I FEEL. ONLY CARE ABT THEMSELVES. JUS HATE IT
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
9:45 PM
Its Another Day in Life
oppsss add pics here
hmmm some pics i 4get to add in jus nw... hahaha
Sunday, October 08, 2006
10:45 PM
Its Another Day in Life
hmmm some pics i 4get to add in jus nw... hahaha
10:45 PM
Its Another Day in Life
hmmm hospital... bad and good
today woke up ard 11 and aunt told us tt ah ma going hospital. when i wen up to aunt hse ah ma already very very weak le. she was slping den la. then i came back and wake my bro up ask him go up. ard 10 min lata ambulance came and i was up at my aunt hse again. this time ah ma was in toilet then she was damn damn weak. i was alittle scared to c her like this but bo bian. her eyes was like...haiz then help her together with uncle and the medics... up the ambulance. haiz i know she dun like to go hospital de but really no choice her condition was really bad. then after tt i was playing game till evening ard 6 then i follow uncle they all to hospital to visit her lor. haiz but at least she in hospital her condition was better alittle. talk alittle but she still weak la. as i said liao she dun like hospital so jus nw mother told me ah ma told her tt all bluff her going to hospital=X lol hmmm at least nw i am feeling better c-ing her in a better condition.
haha as for this part.....all my complainssss
eeling ar i nv blog abt u for days or weeks le. cos hor we jus go sch together nia. hahaha nothing to blog abt!!!!!also nv go out with me=p
den hor aileen bz gal i think... nv reply me also de..
also hor y everyone keep asking me crappy things and making me so pissed sometime?? can they dun be so #$%^???
10:18 PM
Its Another Day in Life
really bad and i am sad
haiz 2 yrs of struggling with the illness and today ah ma is getting worst. early morning my aunt came in room woke us up saying ah ma something wrong liao. i was like shock and blur cos yesterday she was ok de leh but morning like this. wen up uncles and aunt all crying liao. i also cry alittle. but i try to hold my tears sia. really sad. stayed with her till ard 10 then i wen for my soccer liao. in the end soccer also end up playing nothing cos no one. makan liao then wen home. change le wen to mount E to visit my 2nd aunt de hubby. he wen for opt. but everything seems good for him after the opt as he is damn healthy looking. then after tt i was walking aimlessly at orchard. walk liao den head for cityhall walk aimlessly again. didnt know wat to do. jus dun wan to stay home and think. nt in anymood. jus feeling down and sad. haiz at orchard saw alot gals but c nia also dun dare ask anything. also saw alot couples.... makes me more haiz....
came home ate liao c ah ma 4 awhile liao then 3rd aunt came back from aus.... cried alittle again. after tt here i am blogging...too sad to cont to blog. no mood to do anything..
sad sad sad
Saturday, October 07, 2006
11:28 PM
Its Another Day in Life
wen out
today no lesson for me and woke up ard 12pm. was tired but i still wen out cos YQ pulled me to sim lim with him! lol his processor so call spoilt but over there the uncle test and its working. lol dun know wats wrong with his com. hahaha also hor the uncle very fierce cos YQ nv bring his whole com there then the uncle jus "scold" yq for nt bringin and causing him alot trouble. lol then hor walk ard simlim yq bought his thumb drive. after tt walk ard bugis finding his colour cube tt can change here and there de(colour)... cant find it from OG to bugis street to bugis junction!!! lol den at bugis saw a few things wan to buy but dun knw buy for wat also. jus cant think for wat reason should i buy and 4 who. lol after tt i sugest go IMM find. lol so go lor. but b4 going we went find food at BJ de basement find bread. lol
there i gt like er months nv go liao. lol since my B'day.... haha new shops open le and saw Adidas de shirt with Liverpool thingy. haha tempting to buy. maybe when i richer le then consider ba.hmmm walk ard finding my extension for earphone. cant find it at daiso?? then wen walk ard finding YQ tt cube. haha 1st he saw it at one kid shop but the cube too kiddy cos gt donald duck de pic. lol den at daiso he also saw but he complaint nt nice. so wen giant but cant find. so he bo bian wan buy then go daiso lor. after tt wen back to clementi then i told him actually clementi also gt sell tt cube ting den really at clementi we found one. and much bigger lor. lol den he wen big book shop find also.. there also gt. some more same as daiso sell de.. hahaha he suai la. lol jus nw on the way to clementi he was already playing with tt cube thing le then i say he will nt be able to solve and get back all the same grp colour de la. lol suan him=x hahahaha
also hor the haze really bad sia today. was so hazy and i cant c clearly... my eyes alittle uncomfortable + the throat dry dry liao... sia la sick soon?? maybe leh. all my friends pls take care cos the haze too power liao=D lol
today thou wen out i should be happy but i am nt so. still alittle sad and this sadness will nt be change so easily... need time
Friday, October 06, 2006
10:10 PM
Its Another Day in Life
suffering
haiz. jus wen to c ah ma. her condition nt very good. nv really talk. her operation wound there is swollen. and getting bigger. to me this is a bad sign sia. haiz i c liao also heart pain. then she also vomitted lor. dun know wat is exactly going on in her stomach. i also lost of words to say how i am feeling nw. dun really feel happy nw.
then today was in sch for fyp and again stuck. no heart to go do those thing. i think i need a time out from all these thing and get them out of my head. too many thing happening for me.
yesterday also had a boring day in sch. some more i almost fell aslp during 2nd meeting=x nothing exciting to blog abt these few days.
alot thing happening for me. sometime i feel tt i cant take it anymore. haiz
sad
down
jus no mood to do anything
praying everything will be alrite
:(
=(
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
9:42 PM
Its Another Day in Life